STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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