Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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