someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Randomize
