I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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