if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
