Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
Randomize
