I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
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