if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
