she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Randomize
