I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Randomize
