I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Randomize