you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
