It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Randomize
