I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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