Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Randomize
