Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
I have already put on my inside pants.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
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