I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Randomize
