I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
