bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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