check it out our google latitudes are spooning
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
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