now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
Man, jail baloney is awful.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
