I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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