And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Randomize
