The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
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