just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
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