Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
