she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
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