Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
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