The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize