When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Randomize
