i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
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