so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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