Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
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