We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize