i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
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