Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
So vagazzling was a success
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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