So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
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