Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
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