I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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