just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
