Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
someone get that fucking seahorse.
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Drake has all the answers
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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