My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
Randomize
