you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Randomize
