Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Randomize
