so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
