Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
