they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
