well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
God, you're like boner-b-gone
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize