Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
