"it" just moved
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Randomize
