she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
