i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
My bed smells like the plague
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