I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Randomize
