Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
