I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
