He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Randomize
