im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
