Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
porn star boner night. come get it.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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