i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Randomize
