***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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