She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
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