i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
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