Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Randomize
