Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
