After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
