Got a toothbrush?
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Randomize
