Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
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