it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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