just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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