so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Randomize
