I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
